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After giving my identify to the primary man holding an enormous historical e-book, I ask the opposite — the gatekeeper — the place I can discover the inexperienced room. He appears to be like clean. “The place do your VIPs go?”
“There are solely three,” he mutters.
I ask for my lanyard. Identical clean expression. I press him, “A reputation tag?”
“There may be solely One Title on this nation.”
He reveals little concern once I ask him how folks will know who I’m. Then the thought happens to me that this won’t be a really organized affair in spite of everything. I flip again to the bookkeeper, watching as he continues to scan the e-book, which he holds like a feather. I repeat my final identify.
He doesn’t take away his eyes from the pages. “It’s not in alphabetical order.”
“Excuse me!” The interruption comes from my taxi driver, who has stepped ahead to strive his probabilities. “Mr. Martin George Dart of Hackney Street,” he barely manages by quivers.
In half a second, the bookkeeper nods. “Sure, we have now you right here, Mr. Dart. Do go in.”
My mouth drops open in disbelief. My taxi driver removes his cap and presses it to his chest. His eyes properly as he takes one other step after which disappears.
Two Completely different Fames
The gatekeeper appears to be like at me with sympathy. “Can’t you simply let me in?” I urge. “I’m fairly well-known on earth . . . in the proper evangelical circles, after all.”
“Fame on this nation and fame on earth are two fairly various things.”1
“Okay. Simply take me to a spot the place I can discover a wider sphere of usefulness for the skills God has given me.”2
He shakes his head. “It’s not like that. You aren’t wanted right here in any respect.”
“Not wanted?” I gulp uncomfortably.
“Needed — sure. However not wanted. And there’s no grand platform on your skills. Solely forgiveness for having perverted them.”3
I recoil in shock. “Perverted?” I search his face, in search of reduction. His eyes are small however crystal blue — swimming pools of knowledge.
He returns my gaze. “Once you began out, there was real concern for souls. However slowly you realized tips on how to produce a response — even applause. In time you absolutely cashed in on the gospel, utilizing Christ’s identify as your means and merchandise to additional your individual recognition.”
I defend myself. “No! For the gospel I labored. Day in, day trip. I traveled miles and miles, talking and educating until I used to be hoarse. I slogged by assembly after assembly. I exhausted myself. In ministry I gave, gave, gave!”
“Sure, you labored onerous! You hardly simply sat on the foot of the cross, resting. As an alternative, you churned out social-media posts, podcasts, books, convention messages. To maintain your followers, readers, invites, and status. In all of it, have been you actually a lot completely different from these of whom Paul writes — preaching the gospel out of egocentric ambition?4 Your limitless educating — it spoke the identify of Christ, however you treasured principally your individual.
“There have been sparks of sincerity, after all.” His hand rests on my shoulder. “I say this that will help you perceive, earlier than you enter by the gate. ‘There isn’t a heaven with a little bit of hell in it. We are able to’t retain this or that of the satan in our hearts or our pockets. Out Devil should go, each hair and feather.’5 This nation can’t, and doesn’t, tolerate self-idolatry.”
Enter Empty-Handed
His phrases are arrows. The ache is horrific, however I really feel no anger. Solely a horrible realization that all the things he speaks is true. I see myself as I used to be on earth. One who traveled with a little bit field to function a conveyable stage. I can see now that my coronary heart spent lots of my earth-days standing on that little field, educating, but inserting my identify time and again.
I blush deeply. Alas! My self-promotion stuffed not only one road of milling buyers and bystanders, however with the technological unification of the planet, my determined ads of self echoed down feeds worldwide. Soapboxes constructed of software program.
“You aren’t alone,” he says subsequent. “Many even in quiet faithfulness lengthy for recognition, tempted to bitterness when it doesn’t arrive.6 You needed glory, and that was proper and pure. The human life is rightly bent on making glory. However not for oneself. That’s the place you went fallacious. The glory is for the One Title. Even the Son, when ministering amongst us in our personal humanity, didn’t glorify himself.7 How then may you search glory for your self? However you will notice now. For it has been mentioned that the kernel of what we have been actually in search of on earth, even in our most misguided needs, will likely be right here, past expectation, ready for us in ‘the Excessive International locations.’”8
I’m on my knees, weeping. Despair rips at my coronary heart. However then the bookkeeper all of a sudden cries, “Right here it’s! Your identify! It was one of many final. You might go in now!”
Aid washes over me. “Thanks! Thanks!” Happy to start feeling myself once more, I rise and collect my belongings. The officers look helplessly at me.
“These should be left.”
“However what of my books? Gained’t they be helpful right here?”
“No.”
“Can’t I absorb my certificates? I paid the earth to have them framed. What about my robes? My titles? My subscribers? My accolades?” I maintain them out like trophies.
My buddy the gatekeeper shakes his head. “You can not take all baggage with you on all journeys; on this journey even your proper hand and your proper eye could also be among the many issues it’s important to go away behind.9 Will you be like the person who got here and spent a few years in search of the place on this nation the place his identify resounds? He by no means discovered it. As a result of solely One Title resounds right here. He was devastated to search out that each one his earth-strivings have been pointless. He was a type of who mentioned, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your identify, and solid out demons in your identify, and do mighty works in your identify?’ The reply was, ‘I by no means knew you.’10 This man’s disappointment was so bitter.” The gatekeeper’s eyes blaze. “Don’t be that man!”
I nod mutely, terrified. And I enter. Empty-handed. There’s a voice of welcome:
Come and see. He’s limitless. Come and feed.11
Doorkeepers
There may be gentle. A lot gentle. But it’s completely different from gentle on Earth — it’s Pure Essence. And the sweetest music — music ears have been made to listen to. And the lyrics — his Title. I stroll, following the music to what appears to be its supply. The middle of this new nation.
Doorways loom earlier than me, and a girl loiters there, nearly unseen. She bows and greets me. “I’m a doorkeeper. I stand right here on the door earlier than the courts of the Lord.”
If envy have been attainable in that land, I’m positive I’d really feel it. John Milton foresaw her joyous labors when he wrote,
Hundreds at his bidding velocity
And publish o’er Land and Ocean with out relaxation:
Additionally they serve who solely stand and wait.
Here’s a soul that longs, faints for the courts of the Lord.12 She waits near The Glory — unseen, lingering within the Presence. She is the lowly swallow nesting near the throne.
The fact of all of it floods my thoughts. There aren’t any evangelical celebrities right here, solely doorkeepers. It comes with remorse. Oh that I had lived with my coronary heart extra aligned with the psalmist! “I’d reasonably be a doorkeeper in the home of my God than dwell within the tents of wickedness.”13 And I did dwell in “the tents of wickedness,” as my coronary heart was bent on erecting my very own royal pavilion. I grieve that the humility of Spurgeon was not mine. “If he shall go away me to be a doorkeeper in his home, I’ll cheerfully bless him for his grace in allowing me to do something in his service.”
I’m wondering at my very own slowness. If my eternity is to behold him on a throne of jasper and carnelian — to declare with out ceasing his praises, holiness, and worthiness — why on earth have I cultivated habits so against this? In my brief, numbered days, why did I not follow my coronary heart into being a doorkeeper? “Blessed is the one you select and produce close to, to dwell in your courts! We will be happy with the goodness of your home, the holiness of your temple!”14
I don’t delay; I enter — however alas! As is the case with goals, one awakes on the most anticipated second! However I wake with a brand new resolve: to stay for the chief finish of my Eternity. To follow my coronary heart into being a doorkeeper. To be thirsty for the glory and presence of the One Title. Thus, heaven will likely be solely a fantastic satisfaction, not a fantastic disappointment.
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