Good Evening, My Son: A Father’s Tribute By way of Tragic Loss

Thursday, November 16, 2023 — one 12 months in the past at the moment — will probably be etched in my reminiscence because the evening that began the journey of my worst fears: dropping a member of the family to the chilly hand of loss of life. Round midnight, I acquired the decision that Mwansa, our beloved 32-year-old son, had collapsed and was being rushed to hospital. My spouse, Felistas, and I prayed and rushed there, however Mwansa was already unconscious. He was to by no means open his eyes or converse to us once more.

Whereas unconscious, Mwansa underwent surgical procedure on Friday morning that confirmed he had cerebral arteriovenous malformation, which defined the signs he used to exhibit rising up and the latest complications that medical folks had didn’t diagnose. From Friday to Sunday, believers all around the world have been praying for Mwansa’s restoration. Then, on Sunday, November 19, he was pronounced lifeless. I posted his photograph on social media with the phrases, “Good evening, Son. See you within the morning!” Thus started a journey of grief whose depth we had by no means identified earlier than as a household.

His Religion and Marriage

Mwansa was our second son, born in 1991. In 2005, after a number of months of wrestling with the query, “How can I do know that God has pardoned my sin?” he got here to relaxation in Christ for salvation and was instantly characterised by an uncommon zeal for the Lord Jesus. He wished to know as a lot as potential in regards to the Christian religion. His intelligence degree was above common, and so he dug deep for non secular gold. I’ll always remember the day he walked as much as me with one of many volumes of The Works of John Owen and mentioned, “Dad, why do folks say that John Owen is difficult to know? I’m having fun with studying him. He isn’t tough.”

Mwansa went on to review structure in Cyprus however didn’t observe this occupation for lengthy. He realized that his ardour lay in discipling youthful believers, so he give up his job and began working for the African Christian College within the scholar labor program, which gave him plenty of time to form the lives of scholars.

Three years earlier than Mwansa died, he married Sonile. He had fallen in love together with her some ten years earlier and was elated when she lastly accepted his proposal of marriage in 2018. Their dwelling turned a venue for a lot of youth actions. Utilizing Sonile’s guitar prowess, they’d many sing-alongs at their dwelling of their few years collectively.

His Ministry and Glory

Mwansa additionally began month-to-month conferences with younger males within the church, which they referred to as “In Understanding Be Males” (after Paul’s phrases in 1 Corinthians 14:20). Throughout these conferences, he challenged his fellow youths to suppose exhausting after God. Unknown to us, Mwansa additionally maintained private correspondence with many younger adults throughout town, the nation, and the continent. These got here out of the woodwork after they heard of his loss of life and expressed how his private consideration made them really feel as in the event that they have been the closest of mates to him.

He had a weblog and a podcast (The Anti-Fashionable Weblog and Podcast) the place he often posted difficult messages to fellow younger adults in order that they might suppose extra biblically in regards to the problems with the day. His final submit, “Watch out for the Second Sin,” was written on the very day he collapsed.

Just a few months earlier than Mwansa died, he offered himself earlier than the elders of the church asking that they set him aside (with a pal of his who was additionally a church member) to the work of church planting. The elders have been processing this request when God was happy to take our son to glory. As you’ll be able to think about, we’re nonetheless asking the query, “Lord, why do you have to take such a gifted younger man who was on the eve of pastoral ministry?” I suppose we might by no means know till we be a part of our son in glory.

Making use of God’s Balm

It’s now a 12 months since Mwansa left us. Our household has been on a journey of grief throughout this era. Whereas many individuals select to withdraw from public areas after they endure such devastating loss, I opted to place into observe what our son Mwansa referred to as “digital hospitality.” By that he meant that Christians ought to think about having sufficient of a social-media presence to point out the world how their religion governs their response to life’s conditions. Anybody studying my posts throughout that point might inform that I used to be heartbroken and that my feelings have been seesawing between darkish grief and shining hope.

After a month of wrestling with God on this approach, it dawned on me that I had a grieving household I wanted to shepherd. So I began a monthlong sequence of each day devotions on grief that I despatched to every member of the family, looking for to deal with the questions on our minds as we wrestled with the lack of a pricey son, brother, and husband.

The primary devotion answered the query, “Why has this occurred to us?” My reply got here from Job 1:9–11, the place God shows his absolute but loving sovereignty in bringing a calamity into the lifetime of a alternative servant. The final devotion answered the query, “How will we proceed after this tragic loss?” The reply was primarily based on Joshua 1:1, 5–6, the place God acknowledges the loss of life of Moses however encourages Joshua and the remainder of Israel to press on and achieve his divine agenda. This was God’s message to us as a household. In line with the testimony of my relations, the Lord used this devotional sequence to use “the balm of Gilead” to their emotional and non secular wounds.

Our church’s elders have additionally taken notice of the youths who have been devastated by the lack of Mwansa, their mentor, and have been counseling them throughout this season of grief. The elders have stored me abreast of the influence that Mwansa’s life and loss of life have had on these youths. My prayer is that this awakening will reap a lot fruit for God’s glory.

A Loss to Steward

For the reason that homegoing of Mwansa, my spouse and I’ve benefitted drastically from Tim Challies’s ebook Seasons of Sorrow. Tim and his spouse, Aileen, misplaced their twenty-year-old son, Nick, the 12 months he went to varsity. Like our son, he died instantly. Felistas and I had already learn the ebook earlier than Mwansa died. However now we learn it once more, and this time collectively, initially one chapter a day after which one chapter each few days, permitting the cordial to appease our aching souls. What a present this ebook has been! A lightbulb second for each Felistas and me got here when Tim wrote about stewarding Nick’s loss of life. He writes in chapter 17,

We’ve been referred to as to a brand new process now, a brand new stewardship, and it falls to us to show trustworthy in his loss of life. We labored to boost him in a approach that brings glory to God; we now labor to launch him in a approach that brings glory to God. (71)

We’ve since been speaking about that eye-opening idea. A method now we have sought to steward Mwansa’s loss of life has been by virtually loving his widow, Sonile. We belief that the watching world is seeing what a distinction the grace of God brings in a household that honors him. We’ve additionally been blowing into the sails of his weblog posts by publishing them in ebook type and making the ebook obtainable to the age group he passionately ministered to whereas he lived. Might God bless these efforts to the non secular good of many souls.

‘See You within the Morning’

We nonetheless have our darkish days and are grateful for the moments when gentle shines by the gloom. One thought that has proved therapeutic is that what occurred to Mwansa was exactly what we have been making ready him for. When he was a toddler in our dwelling, we regularly pleaded with him to yield his life to Christ with a view to put together to satisfy his Maker. Nicely, he was ready, and he went forward of us to satisfy his Savior and his God.

We don’t mourn as those that don’t have any hope (1 Thessalonians 4:13). Until Jesus returns first, loss of life will come to all of us. What issues is that we use this temporal existence to organize for what’s everlasting. My parting phrases shouldn’t be “Goodbye, Son,” as if we are going to by no means meet once more. They need to be precisely what my parting phrases have been on the day Mwansa died: “Good evening, Son. See you within the morning!”