‘A Man at Church Thinks We Ought to Marry — I Disagree’

Audio Transcript

Each week, our inbox will get some very fascinating eventualities we have to work out collectively, like this one at this time from an nameless younger girl. “Whats up, Pastor John, and thanks in your ministry and for this podcast. My query for you is about how I can reply in religion when somebody insists that it’s God’s will so that you can be collectively, however you disagree. Right here’s my state of affairs. Shortly after becoming a member of a brand new church, a man I barely knew requested me out on a date, and I declined with out feeling any remorse then or since. Many months have handed, and he’s nonetheless satisfied that we are supposed to be collectively, to the purpose that he corners me after church occasions to reiterate that I’m precisely the spouse he’s prayed for.

“My rejection of him hurts him, and I don’t need to harm anyone. However I’m additionally mystified and a bit of angered by the way in which he treats me and his insistence that that is God’s will. I’ve requested him to depart me alone and can draw others in as wanted within the church. My query for you is, What’s a God-honoring technique to handle a church state of affairs like this, when somebody is satisfied they know God’s will for you, and also you disagree with them?”

I’ve 5 options for the right way to take care of a person who thinks it’s God’s will so that you can marry him once you don’t see it that method.

1. Belief Nice Guarantees

First, step again, look to the Lord, and ask him to intervene on this state of affairs in a method that can shield you spiritually and bodily and can assist this man assume and really feel in a extra mature and biblical and discerning method. In different phrases, pray.

And when you have got prayed that, grasp a particular promise within the Bible, after which particularly belief that promise in your state of affairs with him. For instance:

• Psalm 25:8: “Good and upright is the Lord; due to this fact he instructs sinners in the way in which. He leads the common-or-garden in what is correct, and teaches the common-or-garden his method.” He’ll information you. It’s an amazing promise.
• Or Psalm 91:14: “As a result of he,” and you’ll say she on this state of affairs, “holds quick to me in love, I’ll ship [her]; I’ll shield [her], as a result of [she] is aware of my title.”
• Or Psalm 23:6: “Absolutely goodness and mercy will observe me all the times of my life.” You possibly can maintain that, declare that, stand on that.
• Or Psalm 84:11: “The Lord God is a solar and defend; the Lord [gives grace and glory]. No good factor does he withhold from those that stroll uprightly.”

So, very particularly say to the Lord, “Thanks in your guarantees. I belief you, Lord. Set up me within the fact. Grant me to stroll no longer in worry or anger or self-pity or pleasure however in full confidence that you’ll care for me and information me in coping with this case.” So, that’s my number-one counsel.

2. Patiently Clarify

Second, clarify to this man that every one claims to know the need of God should be examined by the revealed phrase of God, the Bible. Extrabiblical phrases of data or prophecies or purported revelations are in themselves fallible as a result of they aren’t perceived by infallible individuals; they’re perceived by fallible individuals like him. God gave distinctive authority to the apostles and prophets to jot down Scripture, however nobody has that form of authority and infallibility at this time. The Bible alone is now our normal, our infallible normal of God’s will.

So, if he thinks that he has an infallible perception into God’s will for you, he’s not considering biblically. His opinion is of a unique order than the Bible. It’s not infallible. And he might have to rethink how he discerns the need of God. That’s quantity two.

3. Encourage Counsel

Third, recommend to him that a method he can discern if he’s heading in the right direction is to attract different clever and non secular individuals into his life, particularly the pastors or elders of your church. He ought to ask them to provide their sense of his discernment of God’s will. If he’s considering in a biblical method, he might be glad for his or her enter. Proverbs 11:14: “In an abundance of counselors there may be security.” If he’s proof against the counsel of the church leaders or different clever pals, then he’s exhibiting that he’s not strolling within the fact.

4. Expose the Catch-22

Fourth, right here’s the catch-22 that this man is in. Assist him see this. If he’s so non secular as to really discern God’s will for you, then both you’ll show equally non secular (from his standpoint) and agree with him, otherwise you’ll show to be unspiritual (from his standpoint) and cussed. For those who show to be non secular (from his standpoint) and agree with him, you’re going to get married. For those who show unspiritual, undiscerning, cussed (from his standpoint), then he shouldn’t need to marry you.

But when he retains on desirous to marry you although (from his standpoint) you might be proving to be an unspiritual, undiscerning, cussed individual, then one thing is deeply fallacious with him. He claims to be spiritually discerning, however your spiritually undiscerning cussed resistance to God’s will (from his standpoint) doesn’t cease him from desirous to marry you. He ought to say, “That’s not the form of girl I ought to marry if I’m a biblically non secular individual. She will’t even discern the need of God. Why would I need to marry her?” And never solely that, however in the event you see that he desires to marry you although (from his standpoint) you might be proving to be unspiritual, undiscerning, cussed, then you definitely now know that you’ve an excellent cause to not marry him since he’s so careless about whom he would marry.

“If he thinks that he has an infallible perception into God’s will for you, he’s not considering biblically.”

That’s the catch-22 once you declare to know greater than God has revealed. So you may say to him, “Look, if I’m able to see that it’s God’s will for me to marry you, we’ll marry. And if I can’t see it that method, that God’s will for me is to marry you, then you shouldn’t need to marry me as a result of I’m so blind to discerning God’s will. And in the event you nonetheless need to marry me although I’m so spiritually undiscerning, then you definitely’re not the form of man that I might need to marry.”

5. Communicate Bluntly

Fifth, if all else fails and he continues to name you or e mail you or textual content you or nook you, then it’s good to say fairly bluntly, “I don’t assume we will even be abnormal pals proper now, and I’m asking you to not be in contact with me or discuss with me alone for the following six months.” This can be a check run. “For those who don’t conform to this, I’m going to ask the leaders of our church to place some form of restraint on you. And I don’t do that out of animosity, however as a result of I feel it would allow you to get in contact with actuality and so be a extra wholesome and mature individual.”